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Posts tagged ‘Bros over hoes’

THE BRO CODE


Hey… @OluwaWanaBaba here.

For those of you guys who read the Girl Code on here and are feeling aggrieved/angered, not to worry. I have brought our own set of rules, called the Bro Code.

First of all, I have to define what a Bro is. A Bro is any guy that has complied with the Bro Code and has obeyed majority of the rules written within.

Warning: Not every guy is your Bro. If you bring a hot chick home and your elder brother tries to poach her from you, he is not your Bro. If your friend knows you’re hungry, and still takes the last moin-moin in the fridge, he is definitely not your Bro.

In some special cases, a girl can be regarded as a bro. If she hooks you up with her busty friends, then she’s a bro. And if she still hooks you up with more even if you didn’t call the last one after, she’s definitely a good bro.

So, the code… All ladies can like to close their browsers now… I won’t be responsible for any eye damages.

CODE 001: The very fundamental rule. Bros before hoes. Never stand a bro up for a girl. Never stop playing video games with your bros because a girl called. Never. Never. Never.

CODE 002: You are never to let a female, who doesn’t qualify as a bro, to know about the existence of the Code. You are never to divulge it contents to them. The punishment for disobeying this rule exile of bro-dom for at least 6 weeks.

CODE 003: You’re are only allowed to do something stupid when all your bros are doing it. If your bros are using cutlery to eat Moin-moin, do not use your fucking hand.

CODE 004: While chatting or on any social network with your bros, it is forbidden to use the following smileys —–> :* ;;) ❀ ({})

CODE 005: Two bros shall never drink Ice-cream from the same Cup. Don't allow the devil to use you.

CODE 006: It is highly forbidden to be sexually attracted to another guy, bro or not. Being gay is grave sin, and the punishment is the swapping of your eyes and your testicles. Eyes to your scrotum, testicles to the eye socket.

CODE 007: You are never to dance with your hands above your head. You're a bro, not a booty shaker at Rehab or Tribeca.

CODE 008: A Bro shall never sleep with another Bro's sister. It is okay to compliment a Bro about is sister, but kpanshing her is a gross violation of our code.

CODE 009: Even in a fight to death, a Bro never punches/kicks another Bro in the groin. Never. That's just plain evil.

CODE 010: Under no circumstances shall two Bros share an umbrella. That level of proximity is not allowed.

CODE 011: A Bro must request written permission from another Bro before he can hit on that Bro's Ex. Should the Bro refuse, you are banned from seeing her forever.

CODE 012: A Bro is not required to buy birthday gifts for another Bro. That he remembered the day alone is enough.

CODE 013: A Bro never lets another Bro wear skinny jeans or jeggings or whatever they are called. Never. Slap him if required to get him back to his senses.

CODE 014: A Bro is never allowed to compliment another guy's body.

CODE 015: Never allow a telephone conversation with a girl to last longer than it takes to have sex with her.

CODE 016: A Bro shall never watch the following programs on TV: Figure skating, Men's gymnastics and any sport involving women (except viewed for sexual purposes.)

CODE 017: A Bro shall never spend more than two minutes in front of the mirror. If more time is needed, there shall be a three-minute waiting period before returning back to the mirror.

CODE 018: Taylor Swift? Never. Never Ever.

CODE 019: A Bro is only allowed to cry when:
1. A heroic dog dies trying to save it's master.
2. After being hit in the testicles with anything moving faster than 7 miles per hour.
3. While/After watching 3 Idiots.
4. When Karen Igho gets married.

CODE 020: Under no circumstances shall two unrelated Bros share a bed or anything that can be conceived as a mattress.

CODE 021: A Bro is never to use the word "Ouch." Feel free to use the Rick Ross grunt or the Ibadan scream of "Yeeeee!" when in times of pain.

CODE 022: A Bro is never allowed to wear pink. Not even to the bathroom.

CODE 023: When asked "Do you need some help?", A bro must automatically respond "No, thanks." Except when he's carrying an expensive television or a cooler of Moin-moin.

CODE 024: A Bro never spell-checks. Gbagauning is a manly attribute.

CODE 025: It is not permitted for a Bro to cuddle with a girl, except if the girl in question is, at least, an 8.

CODE 026: A Bro must never make fun of another Bro's height.

CODE 027: Bros don't speak French to each other. French is the most romantic language on Earth, and thus cannot be used between Bros.

CODE 028: A Bro is never a vegetarian. Veggies are for pussies.

CODE 029: When 3 Bros have to sit down at back seat of a car, it is forbidden for one of them to put his hands on another's shoulder to create space.

CODE 030: When dancing on the same floor, two bros must maintain a 3-foot distance between themselves.

These and a host of others are the rules guiding your life as a bro. Except where punishment is stated, the offending bro is going to be de-broed for 24 hours, within which he shall not participate in any of the group's activities, and shall be referred to as "Princess".

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

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