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Posts tagged ‘love’

A St. VALENTINE’s DAY LOOP: of love and betrayal.

He only comes back anytime after 11, and falls straight into bed.

So wait, what? You think your life is hard? Have you ever had to go one whole year without a boyfriend? Oh that’s a small thing to you?, alright have you been in a position where there is no one to buy you a gift on St. Valentine’s day?, or when you know that you’re really Forever Alone because you end up buying a gift for yourself. Is it not about love? I love myself Jare. Or when you have to go out with a couple on Vals day, simply because you don’t have plans.

You might have been in these positions, but have you had to deal with the fact that your husband may be spending his Valentines day with your best friend?

Meet me, I’m Tara, I’m married with two Children, with great assets, a wonderful job as a full time housewife, a rich husband who spends most of his time out of the country, two cars, a big house and numerous house helps. Sounds like a dream life bah? That used to be theeeen, when I first got married.

I’m sitting on my desk writing this story in pain, and I’m wondering what went wrong, where it went wrong and how I can correct all my mistakes. I met Dele through my Best friend Sade, back in school. He used to be interested in her, but she never returned his feelings, they were friends of course, they even prayed together but she kept telling that she wasn’t ready for Marriage as opposed to what he wanted. In my Friendliness, I tried to convince her to return the love he showed her but she was only an expert at returning the Gifts he bought for her. She said her love could not be bought.

I on the other hand, didn’t have a boyfriend for a whole year, and even when I got into a semi-relationship, it was long distance. It wasn’t that I wasn’t beautiful, but it seemed as if a curse had been placed on me. The people who ever approached me were Bus Drivers, Brick layers and men from the lower scale of affluence. I remember the numerous Valentine days when I bought myself Gifts just to feel loved. I wasn’t complaining, I honestly wasn’t; maybe that’s why these things kept happening.
So when Dele who had chased my friend for two years without any sensible results swung his attention my way, I was shocked. I mean this was Dele, whom I had given tips on things to do to get my friend to get serious with him.

It was Sunday of 2003, two days after Valentines day, Valentine’s day for me had been the usual… I went to see my supervisor concerning my project work, after which I bought myself ice cream,went to the shopping Plaza and bought myself an expensive perfume; I saved two months for it. Two whole months.
I settled into bed that night on hi5 which used to be in Social network then. I was talking to my numerous distant online boyfriends. Life was hard. I heard a knock on the door, and I was surprised to find Sade when I opened it looking really angry, she was supposed to be out with Dele.

‘Can you imagine that Dele tried to kiss me, just because its Valentine’s day. Gosh I hate that boy, the only reason I still talk to him is because he’s nice….’
She paused to drink water from my fridge ‘…I wish I was you, having a wonderful day to myself’

No word of greeting, I was used to it. 🙂 When I finally got the full story from her, she told me of how they had planned to go out and afterward to his house and she had packed an overnight bag thinking it would be just like every other night. Just after a romantic dinner, Dele had tried to kiss her, and she took off angrily leaving her overnight bag in his car. I remember laughing so hard,cause I couldn’t believe that kissing Dele would feel so strange to her. I let her stay with me for the night and conveniently picked Deles calls each time it came in, telling him that she wasn’t with me.

And so that’s how I found myself two days later in Dele’s house trying to retrieve Sade’s sleep over things, she had told me where to get the spare key to the house from and finding her bag in his room wasn’t so difficult. I was laughing hard at the sight of her Bible in her bag; was she coming for a prayer session or what? Really she couldn’t be that Naïve. The sound of my laughter echoed through the empty house, I didn’t hear Dele come in through the back door.

It was his presence in the doorway of his room that made me conscious of his presence. He looked as Handsome as ever, and I handed him the ‘Goodbye letter’ that Sade told me to drop. Things weren’t going as planned, I was supposed to sneak in and out, he wasn’t even supposed to be home. He quickly went through the letter, and without much emotion asked me if I had read it. I nodded.

It was filled with explanations as to why she couldn’t go into any physical relationship with him, boundaries concerning her religion. And she expressed her disgust at his trying to kiss her. I felt sorry for him, I expressed it and tried to cover up for her as usual. Its not that I was loose, but there was nothing wrong in a harmless kiss. I don’t know the message he got, but before long we were kissing each other like we always wanted it, and we proceeded to do other things that Sade would have preached against.

Looking back, maybe that was a little bit wrong but it felt so right at the moment. I hadn’t expected anything serious to follow but he showered me with so much affection that I feel deeper into the love triangle. Within a week, I had moved out of my self contained room to a 2 bedroom flat in V.I.
I would have moved in with him but I didn’t have any intention to hurt Sade; for the same reason, we kept our affair from her. After all he wanted to get married and she said she wanted two Masters degrees before she was going to vaguely consider the idea. 12 months later, just after my convocation, Dele and I had a talk of the town wedding ceremony. I tried my best to make her understand, and she said she did. If she had any unexpressed feelings for Dele other than disgust, or any feelings of resentment against me, she certainly did a good job of covering it up.

Dele and I stayed in Lagos where I did my Youth Service, Sade traveled to the U.K where she intended to do her Masters Degree. And everybody lived happily ever after.

……Or so I thought.

Until she came back last December, two masters degrees later, still single and now 29 years old. Sade is back, and she seems to have waged a war against me and my innocent children. She started subtly at first, calling Dele to speak with me, with the claims that my phones were unreachable. Then she started talking at length with Dele on the phone. Sade who once was a spiritual wall of fire started inviting a married man over for dinner at her place. The first time he went, he said it was for old times sake, the 2nd time he only apologized for wasting the dinner I prepared for him. Dele who used to come home as early as 5p.m from work has now become a stranger to his children as he only comes back any time after 11p.m. He keeps giving me excuses, but his secretary; a married woman I employed for him has told me the truth. The man who saved me from eternal loneliness is causing more pain than I ever had.

As tears fall from my eyes, I reflect on the fact that tomorrow is another St. Valentine’s day, my 9th Marriage anniversary and he will probably be with her again. My life seems to have become a loop, once again I’m going to the Abyss of loneliness. My Children are too young to understand. I’m wondering what I can do to stop Sade forever. Should I poison her, or set her up? How do I go about it? Please tell me what to do.